I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
