Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
