FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
