My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
