If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Randomize
