Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
