Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
