you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
