"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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