i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
