So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
be right there i have to get my cape
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
