I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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