just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
