Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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