DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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