I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
