By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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