I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
