As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
