I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
