Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
don't judge my taste in strippers
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
