Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
