our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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