I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
