i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
