everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
