In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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