whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
