thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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