not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
