Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize
