my sisters under your porch take her home
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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