he told me I talked like a deaf person
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm getting married
To pizza
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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