So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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