sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
