I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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