consequently i now know what mace tastes like
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You were trust falling into bushes
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
