..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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