remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
