Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
