i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
