If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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