I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
