you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
