The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
