I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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