i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
