I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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