i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
