Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
