3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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