I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
