do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
