i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
